Thursday, January 31, 2008

Emotions, self doubting and confusion

Let me start by saying I am not an overly emotional person, at least on the outside. I am not a crybaby and reality has whooped me in the head a plenty in my life. This week however, has been a rollercoaster. I find myself thinking to much, overanalyzing and second guessing my normal self. I am a take charge kinda girl and am proud of that fact , something my dear mom pressed into my soul at a very young age. The thing is, I have this problem with what to do with "Andy" the rescue dog. I have had him evaluated twice and have all the answers to my questions of his health issues yet I cannot come up with a solution for him. He is not a candidate for adoption because of his age and health issues. I am pretty sure he is in pain most of the day because he whines and stares at me with those beautiful eyes. It is hard for him to walk any distance without panting which is a sign of pain. I do not like playing God and putting animals down because I think it is the best thing. That said I also don't believe in letting them suffer for the persons selfish benefit. Unfortunately I have put several animals down for several reasons and believe me it does not get any easier EVER. I would like to think that I have given Andy lots of love and attention this past week and helped him best I could this doesn't help in my decision though. There is no rush here, just my wobbling thoughts of savior to sadist. With me returning to work this week time will become more of an issue as well. I keep praying for the answer and I believe it will come when the time is right. Till then
Andy and I will be buddies and struggle along together.


Kathy C said...

How very sad. How lucky he found you at this time in his life to give him love.

TCavanaugh said...

When is it time? The hardest question in the world. None of us wants to play God, but we don't want our 4 legged friends to suffer either.

Keep up the prayer and the wonderful love/care you are providing your new friend. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I truly believe that it is the kindest gift we can give our animals to help them pass on. Their quality of life indicators are not the same as ours. They don't understand the pain, they just know they are in it. It's never an easy decision, I've had to do it before, and to some animals that were too young to leave, but there was no other option. As long as we have animals in our lives, it's a decision we'll have to make again. It's our responsibility not to let them suffer when there will be no end to that suffering. It's just hard to know WHEN the suffering is too much for that animal any more.

For each of my animals I have 3 quality of life indicators. When the animal can longer do or no longer takes pleasure in 2 of those 3, then I know it's time. All of my animals have let me know that it's time. Andy will let you know.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Sometimes, life stinks.


Carol said...

Having had to put a few of my own animals to sleep, I can relate on how hard it is to "know" when it is the right time.

when you've had a beloved pet for many years, I think you get to the point where you just know when they don't want to live anymore. It seems to be something that you just "feel" in your heart.

Since you and Andy haven't been together that long, I suppose it would be harder to just "know" what is the right thing for him.

I think I would go by his appetite. If he's eating well and seems eager to have a meal, I would tend to think he still wants to live.

My feeling is that most animals will pick at their food or give up eating altogether when they don't have any "fight" left.

Whatever you decide to do,I think its important to realize that he has a better life now than he would have EVER had if you hadn't found him. If you decide to put him to sleep, you should take comfort in knowing that he got more love and care from you than he's probably ever had.

If you don't put him to sleep, I'm sure every effort you make to love him and make him comfortable will be appreciated. After all what was the alternative for this poor guy?

My heart goes out to you both!

(aka Campin Horseluvr)

Mrs Mom said...

TRC, I wish we were closer (well, except you would have to move the farm dont ever want to see snow again...)

That being said, I wish we were closer so that we could help you with Andy. But since we are not, all I can say is to listen to your heart, and to listen to Andy- he will tell you when it is time for him. Until then, love the old man, rub the old guy, and keep on doing what you are doing for him.

And give him a special rub from us here in the Southland... ;)